It is SO much easier to simply adore your children, to just let them be, when you yourself were allowed the fundamental human right to be. And let’s be honest, honey, for way too many of us, that simply wasn’t the case. We weren’t allowed to exist fully, unapologetically, weird bits and all. And trying to raise free spirits when your own spirit felt caged? Whew. That’s a tough row to hoe.
You see, this cycle is as old as time itself, and frankly, it’s got to stop somewhere. It’s this loop where parents, often unconsciously repeating their own experiences, just cannot seem to let their kids be actual, messy, beautiful, individual human beings. Instead, they try to shove them into this tiny, restrictive box. And why? Because that’s where they were forced to live. That box was their reality, and anything outside of it felt wrong, dangerous, maybe even sinful. So, you get crammed in there right alongside them, expected to fit perfectly, neatly, without taking up too much space or making too much noise.
Think about it. If you were raised in a home where showing your real personality – maybe you were loud, maybe you were quiet and artistic, maybe you had a quirky laugh or an intense interest in something ‘weird’ – wasn’t just tolerated, but actively discouraged or even punished… damn, that leaves a mark, doesn’t it? Maybe they made fun of you, maybe they dismissed your feelings, maybe, God forbid, there was physical or emotional harm involved. Whatever the method, the message was crystal clear: the way you naturally are is NOT good enough. You are weird. You are wrong. You need to change.
And what does that do to a young, vulnerable soul? It teaches you that your inherent self is a problem. It teaches you that your value is tied to how well you conform, how successfully you can become whatever version of ‘acceptable’ your parents decreed. Your life wasn’t about exploring who you are, cultivating your unique gifts, and figuring out what lights you up from the inside out. Nope. Your existence became primarily about navigating their moods, anticipating their needs, and molding yourself into someone who would finally, hopefully, make them happy or at least leave you alone. It was about survival within the box, love. Pure and simple survival.
And let’s just call a spade a spade here: that shit creates deep wounds. Wounds that whisper nasty things to you long after you’ve left the nest. Things like, “You’re still too much,” or “Don’t rock the boat,” or “Better just keep quiet.” It leaves you questioning your intuition, your desires, even your right to take up space in the world. When your very essence was treated as something that needed fixing, figuring out who the hell you even are outside of that historical context feels like an archaeological dig in unstable ground.
Fast forward to now. You’re trying to step into this new life, right? This life of joy, purpose, and all the magical abundance your heart craves. But guess what follows you like a clingy ex? The echoes of the box. The programming that says being you isn’t safe or isn’t enough. And then, if you become a parent (or even if you interact with kids regularly, or heck, even if you just navigate relationships with others!), you see how terrifyingly easy it is to fall back into that pattern.
Why is it hard to just let your kids be? Because you were never shown what that looks like! Because your own nervous system was wired for vigilance and control as a child in order to feel safe. Your definition of ‘safe’ might be tied to keeping everyone small and compliant. And when your child expresses something authentic that you were punished for – that spontaneity, that passion, that weird little dance – it triggers something deep within you. It might trigger fear for them (“They’ll get hurt if they’re like that!”) or, more likely, it triggers the pain you felt (“I had to hide this part of me, why do they get to be so free?”). Or maybe, bless our trauma -soaked hearts, we just replicate the only parenting model we ever knew because it feels weirdly normal, even when it hurt like hell.
This is where the accountability comes in, honey, and it starts with recognizing a fundamental truth that so many parents just haven’t grasped: You don’t own your children. You just don’t. They are independent souls, dropped off on your doorstep for a time, under your care and guidance, absolutely. But they are not your property to mold and control for your own comfort or unlived dreams.
Think about it from your own perspective right now. Can your parents, God love ’em (and let’s be real, sometimes it’s hard, isn’t it?), w altz into your life today and demand you make seismic shifts just because they think you should? Can they dictate your career, your relationships, your fundamental choices? Hell no! And if they try, there are boundaries being set, conversations being had, maybe even some distance being put there for your own sanity. Why? Because you have cultivated this life, messy as it may be sometimes. You are an adult, a sovereign being, and you are in control of your path now. You learned, eventually, that living for someone else is a recipe for soul-crushing misery.
Well, guess what? Your children deserve that same fundamental respect, even if they’re miniature and sticky. They are cultivating their life, building their understanding of the world and themselves, piece by painstaking piece. And too often, they aren’t given the same inherent dignity and respect that we, as adults, demand for ourselves. Especially from parents who operate under this unspoken, deeply ingrained belief that their children belong to them, like furniture or a prized possession. It’s not malicious in many cases, it’s just… the water they swam in, you know? But intention doesn’t change the impact, and the impact is the stifling of a spirit.
So, how the sweet hell do you break this cycle, both for any potential future generations and, more importantly, for yourself right now as you try to find your lost path and step into that magical abundance? This is the kicker, love. You break the cycle by focusing relentlessly, bravely, sometimes messily, on you.
It all circles back to this: You learn to love yourself.
And I don’t mean bubble baths and inspirational quotes on Instagram, although hell, do what you gotta do to feel good! I mean deep-down, soul-level acceptance and eventually, fierce, unwavering love for the person you are. The person who survived the box. The person who is carrying those old wounds. The person with the ‘weird’ quirks, the strong opinions, the quiet nature, the loud laugh – all the bits that were deemed “not good enough.”
Learning to love yourself when you were taught your core self was flawed feels like scaling Mount Everest in flip-flops sometimes. It feels counter-intuitive, even wrong. Every cell in your body might scream, “No! This part of me is unacceptable! This is the part I was punished for!”
But honey, that rejected, boxed-up part of you? THAT is where your unique energy, your brilliant light, resides. That is where your true purpose is whispering. That is where the flow to that juicy, abundant life you’re dreaming of is hiding. It’s not out there somewhere, waiting for you to conform or change. It’s locked away inside the parts of yourself that you were made to believe were wrong.
Your ‘lost path’ isn’t lost because it doesn’t exist. Your ‘lost path’ feels invisible because you haven’t given yourself permission to fully exist and take up space on it. The box wasn’t just something you were put in; over time, you internalized its walls. You started enforcing the rules yourself, even when the external authority figures were gone . That’s the real bitch of trauma, isn’t it? It turns us into our own jailkeepers.
Stepping into your new life of joy and purpose and abundance isn’t about finding a map. It’s about demol ishing the internal walls of the box piece by agonizing, liberating piece. It’s about rediscovering the parts of you that were buried – your passions, your true voice, your authentic desires, your intuition that got drowned out by all the ‘should s’ and ‘musts’. It’s about excavating you.
And that, my sweet friend, is an act of profound self-love. It’s saying, “Enough is enough. I am worthy of being fully seen, fully heard, fully me. And yes, even the messy bits are welcome.”
When you do this work – and yeah, it’s work, real, soul-stirring, sometimes tear-your-hair-out work – two magical things happen.
First, you reclaim your own damn power. You stop looking outside yourself for permission or validation. You start listening to that quiet whisper within (your intuition!) that knows exactly which way your path lies, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else. You start trusting your gut, setting boundaries that honor your energy, and making choices that align with your soul’s calling, not the echoes of the past or what someone else thinks you ‘ should’ do. You become the sovereign being you were always meant to be. This is how you step into your joy and purpose, love. By getting out of your own damn way and letting your authentic self lead.
Second, and this is the beautiful ripple effect, when you heal and break free from the box, you automatically create space for others, including any children in your life, to do the same. You show them, not just through words but through the vibrating energy of your own being, that it is safe to be authentic. That being yourself is not only okay, but it is magnificent. You model self-love, self-respect, and the courage to walk your own unique path. You demonstrate that owning your life is the most powerful , most abundant thing you can ever do. You loosen the grip of control because you no longer project your own fear of not-enoughness onto them. You can just… let them be. Let them explore. Let them figure things out. Because you figured yourself out (or are actively in the glorious process of it!).
The journey from feeling lost to living a life of joy and abundance isn’t about finding a new location. It’s about finding your way back home to yourself. It’s about falling madly in love with the person you were made to be – quirks, weirdness, messiness, glorious authentic self included.
So, honey, if you’re feeling lost, if you’re trying to step into a new life and feeling held back… maybe it’s not that the path is hidden. Maybe it’s that the person meant to walk it hasn’t been given the keys to the front door yet. Give them the keys. Unlock the damn box from the inside. Learn to love that wild, beautiful, perfectly imperfect human you are. That’s where your energy flows, that’s where your light shines brightest, and that’s how you step into all the abundance that is patiently waiting for you.
You’ve got this. Go be you. The world (and your own soul) is ready for her.
